Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Free Speech Zone #2: Free Joanna Newsom

Can we just put a word in here about the cocksuckers at the RIAA? Mankind finally learns to share and what do they do? Try to put a halt to sharing in the name of commerce. How dare there be transactions in which nobody gets a cut because there's nothing to cut, no money changing hands, a simple and kindly act of sharing, one of mankind's good points that, sharing, one worth pointing out, something we should be proud of, something we teach our children, we shout at them "share," the opposite of greed, the joy of passing something along for no reason other than joy shared is joy multiplied, it actually feels good to turn people on to new things, hell, if your best pal came by and you had just heard some fantastic new performer, wouldn't you just sit them down and play it for them, like I'm doing with you, pretending you're my best pal, c'mon buddy, park it and listen to this.

Joanna Newsom plays harp and harpsichord and sings, sometimes backed by orchestral arrangements by Van Dyke Parks, the album wise spelled "Ys," but that's not what's strange about her. Like Victoria Williams, she passed through puberty without her voice changing. You'll hear amazing, multi-rhythm, totally original harp playing and then suddenly it's like Joanna invited her seven-year-old daughter to sing along, it's a kid's voice, totally unprofessional, irritating, they'd bounce her out at the first round of American Idol, the opposite of what they're looking for, and at first you think that's nice, now shut up and let your mom sing, but it IS the mom, she actually sounds like that, so you sit and listen some more and you get over it, the voice, like Dylan's, you put it behind you, the lyrics, the melodies, adult and sophisticated and childlike and magical, full of hooks and iridescent meandering, powerful stuff, a cartoon voice perfect for Pixar, they've got to get on it and you've got to hear her before they turn her into a mouse or a squirrel, which brings me to the cocksuckers at the RIAA who at this very moment are considering arresting me for offering to you free of charge a song by Joanna Newsom, one solo, The Book of Right-On, and what the hell, another, Cosmia, backed by Van Dyke Parks at his best, both downloaded for free with Limewire from some other generous soul who felt like sharing.

And why am I doing this? Am I a thief? Do you have any moral compunction NOT to download these free MP3s? Have you been brainwashed into thinking that sharing, just sharing, just letting you in on the secret, is bad, makes you bad person, a thief robbing candy from the mouths of Joanna Newsom's real kids, if she has them, which would be weird because until they hit puberty, they would sound exactly like her? Hell, what's to stop you from buying something from her or just sending her a check if you prefer. Don't let me get in the way, hell, go ahead if you've got scratch to burn, I don't, I'm just turning you on to her the best way I know how, by playing her for you, and it'll never occur to you to buy her or go to one of her concerts unless you hear her first so repeat after me, like I'm your mom, sharing is good, in all its manifestations, Limewire and Bittorrent, the darkside of the web, let's shed some light, so share, okay, pass these along unless you think they're crap in which case fuck off. Sharing is a good thing except for the fear of getting raped by Bubba when the cocksuckers from the RIAA call the cops on you.

Steal This Film II
Don't miss this incredible documentary, free for the taking, about the wonderful world of sharing.


  1. Whoa...that's harsh...

    she's no Iris Dement... made my dog howl..

    Thanks for "sharing" ..... she sucks... who knew....

    # # * # # to the cocksuckers at the RIAA who ever they are...I don't actually know.

    Elizabeth S

  2. once upon a time, i got a check from the riaa. it was for $5.00. i was able to prove (by swearing it was true) that i had bought at least one cd in an approximately 5 year period. they took a plea bargain instead of being found guilty of price-fixing. i hocked hundreds of $20.00 cd's for $2.00 apiece in order to put food in my stomach that didn't consist of baked flour and water. that one decent song on an overpriced disc kept my stomach from eating itself for a couple hours.

    i'm supposed to give a shit about the riaa? they're enron to the music consumer. at least enron's victims will see their villian die in custody.

    dwight burke