Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
OMG (Oh My God), Keith Olbermann now has a segment in his MSNBC (MicroSoft National Broadcasting Company) show called WTF (What the Fuck), which might be funny if he just said WTF, but he doesn't, he has to be cute about it and say "What the...", forcing you to fill in the missing word, being naughty with the network at the expense of the joke, which is only funny if he just says "WTF!" as forcefully as only Keith Olbermann would bother.
Sadly, this marks the death of WTF as an underground phenomenon. No one can use it anymore without sounding like a blowhard.
OMG, what will we get to replace it? OMGWTF (Oh My God What the Fuck) is nice. One organization formerly known as OMFG (Oh My Fucking God), is pushing for HFS (Holy Fucking Shit), though there's a splinter group of CA (Complete Assholes) who insist HMFS (Holy Mother Fucking Shit) is the way to go.
"WABOP (What A Bunch Of Pussies) has a ring to it," said spokespussy Carl Breakdown. "It's got sexist overtones that are subtly piquant."
"We still think HMFS should replace WTF," declared HMFS spokeswoman Ida Clair.
"Hold it right there," said the hooker in my lap, "I think it should be DYETILYDSLTTMA (Don't You Ever Think I Let You Do Sumpin Like That To Me Again)" before vanishing in a WOS (Wisp Of Smoke).
"KATNW (Knees Are The New Waist) is really going to catch on because it speaks to the young people who do all the buying and stuff," said Oprah Pinquity, who believes that pants have dropped so far below kid's butts that the knees are the next logical place. "Of course if they had the courage of their conviction, they'd do it in briefs, not just boxers, and we can all TG4T (Thank God for That), or for atheists, TTFSM4T (Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for That)."
Cartman, the lead spokesdrawing for SMB (Suck My Balls), declined to comment on the whole issue, other than WAYSSOJ (What Are You, Some Sort Of Jew?).
Members of TRUCE (The Retroactively United Citizens of Earth) can't seem to get their shit together at all. What do members of TRUCE do? Embrace each other randomly in public places while setting aside old grievances. "Peace? Impossible. A truce!", says trucemeister Lenny Truce. "And it's got to be retroactive or it doesn't work," someone said. "We've all got to pretend like none of this has ever happened and just get along with each other except for the CSOBWSML (Cocksucking Son Of a Bitch Who Stole My Lighter) who is going to get what is coming to him."
WITS (What Is This Shit?) was the clear winner in an online pole that hasn't been taken yet, or so says Spock in the new Star Trek.
Off to you, my acronymeses.