Monday, November 25, 2013

An American Warner in London



This treatment for an episode of "Steven Spielberg presents Animaniacs" was purchased by Warner Brothers Animation but the show was cancelled before it was produced.


“RULE BRITTANIA” PLAYS OVER A GLORIOUS MONTAGE OF MODERN LONDON. 
 
Two very proper British Gentlemen are sitting at a bus stop. 

GENT #1 
Glorious, day, glorious. 

GENT #2 
Quite, quite. 

A bus pulls up. The Warners disembark. They are all wearing Hawaiian shirts, shorts, and backpacks - looking like typical American tourists. 

GENT #1 
Look, how cute. 

GENT #2 
Yes, quite cute. 

YAKKO 
What a dump. Let’s get out of here. 

He tries to get back in the bus but WAKKO stops him. 

WAKKO 
Oh no you don’t. We’re spending a week in London and we’re going to find me Aunt Gladys. 

They ask the gentlemen for directions. The gentlemen tell them where to go. 

The Warners are creeping down a dark dripping alley. 

YAKKO 
A-a-a-h I don’t think this is Picadilly Circus. 

WAKKO 
Where are the animals? 

There’s a forlorn Ho-o-o-o-o-wl. 

YAKKO 
That’s one, but I don’t think it was an elephant. 

Dot peeks behind a trashcan. 

DOT 
Look, it’s a little baby poodle. It’s cold. Poor thing. 

She reaches out but the little puffy furball nips her on the hand and runs away. 

DOT 
Owwwww!!!! It hurts. I need a bandaid. 

A door suddenly opens. There’s raucus laughter from inside. The Warners enter. 

INT. COZY ENGLISH PUB 
There are mugs of broth, darts, and general gaiety that stops as soon as the Warners enter. 

WAKKO 
Hello mates. 

Silence. The Warners look around and notice strange things about the bar. There’s a pentagon on the wall made out of milkbones. Everyone is staring at them in silence, even the dogs playing poker in a picture on the wall. There are candles surrounding a doggy bowl full of garlic. 

DOT 
Excuse me, but has anybody got a bandaid? I was just bitten by a poodle. 

EXT. DARK ALLEY 
The pub door swings open and the Warners come flying out. 
They hear another howl. They start running. Suddenly, they’re on a busy street. A woman struts by walking her poodle. 

DOT 
Look, how cute. 

The poodle gives her a knowing glance. 

They find Wakkos’ Aunt Gladys, who lets them in, fixes Dot’s wound, and tucks them into bed for the night. They each get their own rooms. 

Midnight. A full moon peeks out from the clouds. 

Dot is asleep. She gives a short yap and wakes up. She looks at her hands, which are turning into paws. Her snout grows longer. Little puffs of fur appear at her shoulders, elbows, and knees. She turns pink. Little bows appear in her hair. She looks in the mirror. She has turned into the most horribly cute poodle on earth. She leaps out the window and yaps. 

INT. HOSPITAL 
Doctor Hirsch is talking to a patient. 

DOCTOR 
I’m afraid I have bad news. You have what we call adorabilitis, which gives you an intense allergic reaction to cuteness. You can lead a normal life as long as you never come in contact with anything adorable. If you do, well, there’s no telling what will happen. 

The doctor leaves. The patient looks out the window and sees a giant pink poodle peeking in. The patient shrieks and falls back in the bed. 

CLOSE-UP: NEWSPAPERS 

The headlines read “PATIENT DIES IN FREAK POODLE ATTACK,” “MONSTER MUTT TERRORIZES TOWN,” and “PRINCE CHARLES DENIES ROMANCE WITH POODLE.” 

Dot wakes up in a dog pound. She can’t convince them that she’s not a dog and they refuse to set her free. 

Wakko and Yakko search for their sister. They go back to the pub where they hear the horrifying tale of the curse of the werepoodle. Only one thing can break the curse, but I don’t know what it is. They continue their search for Dot. 
That night at the pound, the full moon shines through the window. The other dogs back off in disbelief as Dot goes through her transformation. She breaks open the bars and sets everyone free. 

Dot terrorizes the town again through unbearable acts of cuteness. Wakko and Yakko catch up with her. Silver bullets don’t work. Garlic doesn’t work. Nothing works except the plot contrivance I haven’t come up with yet. 

Wakko, Yakko, and Dot are waiting at the bus stop with the same two gents. Dot slaps her arm. 

DOT 
O-o-o-o-w! 

YAKKO 
What’s wrong? 

DOT 
A mosquito bit me. 

Everybody runs away in terror. 

FADE OUT: 

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