Women who breastfeed in public but then make a big show of hiding it as if I care.
Total strangers telling me what to do, especially square-dance callers.
Those pretentious phonies who say "pasta" instead of paste or "Boca Raton" instead of rat's mouth.
Itchy labels on bungee ankle straps so I itch the whole way down.
When my opera cape gets caught on homeless people's junk.
Waiters who recite the specials in a bored singsong voice as if they don't really care what I eat.
Bad art in motel rooms, especially bad performance art.
When a woman stands near me and people think her ugly baby is mine and it is.
Dentists who cram my mouth full and don't even ask me one question, though I've been practicing all year.
Big, conceited bodies of water, especially Lake Superior.